Ma'am thoughts

In one of my stories recently, I used “ma’am” as a doctor spoke to the wife of a patient. In reviewing it, Kirsten asked if doctors in Texas always did this, as doctors in California weren’t so deferential. In thinking about it, and talking to Jane we realized it was a universal part of Texas and maybe the South. We came up with several observations regarding this tiny title.

Ma’am and sir are equivalent but based on gender. To say ma’am to a male or sir to a female is a serious insult and is never done.
Ma’am defines a level of respect, makes the person one is speaking to know that you recognize them and will not cross the line of that respect. I found it particularly useful in connecting with older patients or African-American patients.
“Yes, ma’am” is the only acceptable response to a mother or grandmother’s question or command. Ex: “Will you get me a quart of milk?” “John, clean up your room.” No ma’am, or any other negative response, is not usually considered an option. Deep sighs, rolling eyes, books shutting and doors slamming can accompany the response to express displeasure, but the only words allowable are “Yes, ma’am.”
Ma’am may be used sarcastically when speaking to a younger woman or girl, indicating that the speaker is displeased with the level of respect being given. It is a siren warning of an approaching tornado that is usually recognized in Texas children by age five.
For a child to say “Yes” or “OK” or “all right” rather than “Yes ma’am” labels that child a smart aleck, which is a precursor to a life of crime.

Jane tells me that our son-in-law Matt has only recently stopped saying ma’am to her with every phrase. He married my daughter three years ago, and this is about the right time frame for him to relax a little. But he was raised by a fine East Texas woman and I am sure it is hard for him.